What is Wrong with the Media

Today's media industry, including newspapers, magazines, TV and movie studios, music labels, and even video game manufacturers are facing serious problems today.  They're dealing with strikes of the writers' union and SAG, plummeting sales, piracy, and a general dysfunction that, executives of the respective industries insist, inhibits creativity, damages honest businesses, and steals from artists.

Seeing this from a non-celebrity viewpoint, it's downright heartbreaking to watch these poor souls dress in last year's fashions bought on Rodeo Drive, ride around in older limos, and climb aboard their poorly maintained private jets.  No doubt they're hurting, and like everybody else, must make every nickel count.

Is there a solution to this?

I've come up with 9 ways to keep these folks afloat.  I wanted a nice, clean 10, but this is plenty long enough, and I've probably repeated myself once or twice.  What can I say, I'm no Thomas Sowell.  I'm just a simple guy with simple thoughts.  And a long-winded, hopefully somewhat coherent, way of expressing them.

In essence, this is an open letter to you Media Types.

1)  Quit whining!

If you live in a mansion, own several cars/boats/jets/spacecraft, you are not in a position to bitch.  About anything.  So shut the hell up.  There are people out there who work 12 to 72 hour shifts just so they can afford cheap food and a crummy apartment.  They are living paycheck to paycheck, always mindful that homelessness is as close as one missed workday, one injury, or one incident of bad luck.  These people are not going to have sympathy for you.  They have other things on their mind, like what they're going to eat if their employer shuts down or moves to greener pastures, or how they're going to pay for school lunches AND keep the lights on at home.

2)  Stop treating your customers like thieves!

So-called "copy protection" is where a method is used to keep folks from sharing various types of media with people who haven't paid for it.  At first, this makes a certain amount of sense.  Why should people get to enjoy the use of something if they haven't paid for it.  That's not fair to the people who produce it, nor to the people who did pay.  There's nothing inherently wrong with this concept.

In practice, however, there are huge problems. 

First of all, unless the media format is durable enough to last a respectable amount of time and use, we should be able to make a backup copy.  Not this does NOT include VHS cassettes, audio cassettes, CD's, DVD's, or downloaded content that can only be stored on your hard drive.  Not allowing folks to make backup copies is pretty close to the same theft you accuse us, your customers, of.

Second, we should be allowed to enjoy the product.  Most copy protection schemes prevent transferring content to other devices and formats, such as ripping a CD to an Ipod.  Remember, producers, you have insisted time and again the actual product being sold is the content of the media (the music on a CD, the movie on a DVD), and it is really the USE of the content the consumer is paying for, not the product itself.  Therefore, if all we're paying for is the use, we should be able to use it in the manner we choose.  For instance, if I want to buy a CD, then copy the music to my MP3 player, my computer, and my cell phone, that's my business, and you've already been paid for all that.  Since I only have one set of ears, I can only listen to one copy of the music at a time, so it shouldn't bother you if I make your product convenient to use.

Third, copy protection makes your product unusable.  Many CD's were produced that wouldn't play in certain CD players.  That's because their particular copy protection of choice mean the CD didn't comply with the recognized standards that CD player manufacturers use to build their devices.  Currently, Blue-Ray movies won't play unless you have a Blue-Ray player AND a 'compatible' TV.  Most folks don't yet know that they do NOT have a compatible TV, even if they forked over thousands of dollars for a so-called HDTV.  When they do find out, they get really pissed, and rightfully so.  The creators of Blue-Ray decided long ago that treating their customers like thieves was more important than selling their product, which might explain why Blue-Ray still hasn't taken off after winning the format war.  In the case of computer games, often a CD from the game must be in the CD drive of the computer for the game to work.  They completely ignore the fact that if people wanted to carry around and handle a bunch of CD's there would be no demand for the Ipod.  Further, many computers don't come with CD drives, and the ones that do can't be used for long on battery power because constantly accessing a CD is a huge power drain.  Finally, if one were to lose or damage the required CD, they're out up to $60.

Finally, it's insulting.  If you walk into a store and immediately have a security guard shadow you the entire time, your probably going to go somewhere else and shop.  Guess what?  We feel the same way.

3)  Learn the difference between News and Entertainment.

This is directed at media outlets that claim to distribute "news".

News = Facts, figures, and things that are happening or have happened.

Entertainment = Everything else.

It's not always easy being neutral, but really, at least some attempt should be made.  It's well known most media outlets lean to the left.  Some are so far to the left they don't even know there's a right.  That's fine, because the greatest asset in the USA is the ability to think and believe anything you like.  However, if your going to pawn yourself off as a "News" outlet, then stick to the news, and quit sticking your own ideas into it.  Save that for the Editorial section, which falls squarely into Entertainment.  For instance, when Clinton was President, I noticed all the 'good' laws were passed by "President Clinton", and all the 'bad' laws were passed by the "GOP controlled Congress."  More recently, when Arnold Schwarzenegger was running for governor of California, just a few days before the election the Los Angeles Times scrounged up a bunch of women accusing him of everything from harassment to attempted rape.  Yeah, sure.  Most folks were smart enough to know that a woman in this situation is more likely to call the police or a good lawyer, rather than wait a few decades for their attacker to run for governor so they can try to crush his political career.  Around ten thousand subscribers were so disgusted by this pathetic hoax that they cancelled their subscriptions.  By the way, A. S. won the election anyway, and the LA Times'  parent company recently filed for bankruptcy.  How about that?

It's OK to have opinions.  Really, it is.  Just try to keep them separate from the news.  If you must, devote half of your newspaper to Opinion Pages.  As long as you clearly isolate facts from your own opinions, we'll get along just dandy.

4)  Know your place, and stay there!

This, of course, is directed at those who claim to offer Entertainment.

When you produce a sitcom, remain mindful of the fact that your job is to entertain an audience.  That is, you need to make folks laugh, cry, or otherwise enjoy your product.  It is NOT your job to educate people, express your personal opinions, or teach a lesson, and when you try, you end up with falling ratings and a cancelled show.

David E. Kelley, I'm mostly talking to YOU, but this applies to most of your peers as well.

Boston Legal is a prime example.  The first couple years it was a great show.  The focus was on comedy, lightly sprinkled with drama and thought provoking issues.  Lately, it's preachy. Real preachy.   In fact, there's more preaching going on in Boston Legal than on any Sunday morning cable station.  I thought it was bad in the weeks leading up to Obama's election to President, but even after the election, when the obviously liberal Boston Legal crew had 'won', the show was mostly preaching yet more liberal propaganda.  For the first time, I found myself using the fast-forward button during the show.

Does this make any sense?  It doesn't matter if they're liberal or conservative, the fact is, by November 7th, nearly everybody is sick of hearing about politics, whether they agree or not.  The last thing people want to watch is more of the same old shtick.  Correction:  The last thing people want to watch is a bunch of people who got what they want bitching and moaning.

By the way, David Kelley and the crew of Boston Legal had an entire episode where they labeled those who voted Republican, or at least thought there were valid reasons for doing so, "Stupid."  Yeah, real class act guys.  At least you were finally honest about how you feel about our soldiers, veterans, and cops, most of whom voted for McCain, and ALL of whom have dedicated, if not given, their lives to ensure your safety and freedom.

This also applies to celebrities who feel that, due to their success in acting, singing, or poor attempts doing so, feel their opinions on politics, world events, or the weather are somehow informed, useful, or relevant.  Stick to what you do, and leave the thinking to those more qualified, even though you firmly believe a has-been half-rate singer such as yourself feels you know what 'normal' people need and want.

It is not your place to tell us what to think, what to do, or who to vote for.  It's your job to amuse us.  Fail that, and you fail, period.

Besides, since most of you end up getting hooked on drugs, beat up or murder your loved ones, rape babies, or otherwise throw your fortunes and lives in the toilet, kindly flush your opinions with them.  We're not interested.

Strange that I need to say this.  Evidently, none of you seem to notice that your ratings go right down the mole hole as soon as you start with the bullshit.  Seems your not as smart as your team of ass kissers keep telling you.

5)  Finish what you start!

Pilot movies are a good way to measure a show for success.  If folks really get into it, they'll let you know they want more.  If not, at worst you've lost a little money and two hours of TV time.

On the other hand, producing one season of a show that is obviously meant to go on for years, then stopping, really pisses people off, especially when you leave viewers hanging.  After being abandoned by Surface few people were in the mood to get hooked again, at least until they're sure they won't get screwed.  After all, just about every series ends up on DVD's which can be rented any time.

6)  Get it through your head!  You Are NOT In Control Anymore!

TIVO exists, and it's not going anywhere; in fact, more people are getting TIVO'ed every day.  That means WE are in control.  WE decide when we watch your shows.  WE decide how we watch your shows.

Prime Time is no longer Prime Time, and the days of you putting garbage on at 8:00pm with five minutes of boring commercials every 30 seconds are coming to an end.  If there's a better show on at 11:00pm, we can watch it during Prime Time.  Actually, since we no longer have to endure 20 minutes of commercials for a 40 minute show, we can watch three or four programs in the Prime Time period, and NONE of them have to be from you.  Since I have something like 150 channels with basic satellite service, instead of the 7 you've based your business model on for the past 50 years, you have a lot of competition.  You should be worried.

Gone are the days where we were forced to endure boring, pointless, irrelevant commercials.  This means you need to get off your lazy butts and finally, after more than 50 years, create a quality product for a change.  You see, in order to make money, you need people to watch your commercials.  Since viewers are no longer forced to do so, you have to make people WANT to watch them.  In other words:

Boring commercials are out.  If viewers are bored, they skip.  So make us want to watch them.  Make them interesting.  Make them funny.  Did it escape your attention the past few years when the biggest hit of the Superbowl was the commercials?  So many people were watching the commercials on the internet that the web site hosting them crashed.  That should tell you something.  Along the same lines, don't repeat the same commercials over and over again, especially the long ones that come on twice during the same break!

Make them relevant.  Commercials for tampons during a program called The Man Show aren't smart.  Neither are commercials for 8 foot tall sports 'hero' wall hangers during Battlestar Galactica.

Make them less disgusting.  Someone with serious vaginal discharge issues isn't going to tune in to The Discovery Channel to find out what to do.  Same thing goes for folks with small peckers, erectile dysfunction, hemorrhoids, vaginal itching, herpes, diarrhea, incontinence, toe jams, foot fungus, pit stink, crotch crust or ass funk.  Keep in mind most folks are pretty healthy, and we really don't want to hear about somebody else's creepy problems.  This goes double for meal times.  If someone with any or all these problems wants help, they can find a physician, pharmacist, witch doctor, or a Weight Watchers meeting and describe their issues in detail.  I'm sick of hearing it.

Make them less insulting.  See above.

Make them shorter.  It doesn't take over two minutes to give a dumbed down description of AARP's benefits, tell us where to send gold for cash, or explain how a certain pill can make my penis bigger.  If you really think I'm too old, poor, or small, you can get your point across in just a few short seconds.  Even amusing commercials can take too long, especially, as described above, they come on two (or more!) times during the same commercial break, or several times during the same show.  Stop It!  If you can't get your point across in 30 seconds or so, write a book!

Use a little common sense.  If a company wants to advertise on your station, and the product it's selling is obviously bogus, Don't Do It!  Please.  It really does make your whole station look like dogshit.  When I see an add for a DVD that teaches poor people how to make a billion dollars in 25 seconds, or a Bowflex commercial, I immediately classify every commercial and program you show a Scam.  This means every penny other advertisers pay is completely wasted.  Maybe one day they'll realize this.  I wonder if this has something to do with the economy.

7)  Give customers what they want!

Who hasn't bought an album only to find one good song and a dozen 'filler' songs that wouldn't make it through a 4th grade talent show?  Paying $17 for a CD containing one, maybe two songs worth listening to is not going to work.  Oh, and it's been like that for years.  So quit trying to force-feed customers crap!

When Napster first came out, it wasn't the kid who designed it that made it popular.  There was no attempt to draw people into using it, no advertising, no multi-national tours, no political endorsement, no nothing.  Actually, that's not quite true.  It was YOU, the media Big Shots, who did all the work.  You made expensive CD's that were 99% crap.  You decided that if people wanted one song, they should be forced to pay for 18 crappy songs.  You decided to continue using an obsolete business model.  You decided to make CD's that, at best, wouldn't play in many CD players, or at worst, installed viruses and trojans into people's computers, exposing them to all manner of crimes from cyber-bullying to identity theft.  You encouraged people to flock to Napster, and later it's replacements, for music.

Now you've somewhat come to your senses.  We can pay $0.99 for one song you like, download it to our Ipod, and enjoy it without having to pay for filler that nobody in their right mind could listen to.  Still, the quality of a downloaded song doesn't come near to that of a CD, and if your hard drive crashes or you break your Ipod, you lose EVERYTHING, and have to buy it all over again.  It's also locked to that device, so if my wife wants to listen to it, either she takes the whole Ipod or buys her own copy.  You might think that's good.  It's not.  Small wonder people still use Bit Torrent.

And Bit Torrent is going to stick it to you again!  Insisting that people buy soon-to-be-obsolete DVD's or soon-to-be-obsolete Blue-Ray discs going to be your downfall.  Either find a way to let customers pay to download recent, quality movies to watch at their convenience, or watch them do it anyway, for free!

And by "download", I mean DOWNLOAD.  This way we can watch, pause, and rewind high definition movies without the dreaded Buffering pauses that ruin the whole experience.  Yes, we understand you want things to play on your own software, so folks don't make endless copies or otherwise mess things up, but use care, because if this software installs a bunch of adware/spyware/bloatware/BSware, crashes the computer, requires hundreds of dollars in upgrades, prevents long-term storage or backups, refuses to play unless constantly connected to the internet, won't play on a laptop, or otherwise unreasonably restricts how we use the product we pay for, you might as well quit your job and work at McDonalds.  This means don't use Real Player.  We shouldn't have to battle you to use your products.

8)  Get over yourselves.

The recent writer's strike, and the threatened actors strike, seem quite silly to those of us in the Real World.  People are hurting for jobs.  If you don't want yours, quit, and make room for somebody else.  There are people who risk everything just for a sliver of a chance at the opportunities you now possess.  You may have been one of them.  They would be more than happy to take your place.

Also, remember there are other people depending on you to do your job.  You would call them the "Little People."  Again, a class act Hollywood!  Anyway, these are the folks that, when they do their job, allow you to do YOUR job.  Otherwise, you'd be singing and dancing on a street corner with a tin can.  Anyway, they need to feed their families, too.  And may their mortgages.  No doubt they feel terrible that the millions of dollars you've made so far isn't enough to make you happy, so kindly show them the smallest courtesy by not forcing them to lose their job, car, home, and everything they have, and do your job.

On a relatively minor note, we, the general public (otherwise known as your customers), are not interested in your problems.  We are, however, interested in watching at least some of the shows and movies you've produced.  You see, they help us forget about our own troubles.  Folks were quite grateful for this distraction in the Great Depression of the 1930's, as evidenced by the high turnout in the theaters.

If all that's not enough to convince you, keep in mind what's going on right now in your industry.  There is a shift in durable consumer media going on.  As I mentioned before, folks don't want to buy soon to be obsolete DVD's, Blue Ray disks that are overpriced and may not even have players in the next few years, or already obsolete VHS tapes.  Even if they did, the economy sucks, so they're going to hold back even more.  Your masters, the publishers, are afraid to allow consumers to view streaming or downloaded content.  Hackers have easily broken all copy protection currently in place.  Folks can get your products for free, with little effort.  And money is tight, making it even harder to give it to you, those who produce your work, and those who supply the tools you need to work.

This means that, whatever you're demands and threats, they won't mean as much now, and they'll mean even less tomorrow.  You'll likely go on strike, piss everybody off, get a few worthless concessions, and in the end, find out those concessions are worth less than the ink used to sign them, because not everybody is quite as stupid as you are.

Also, quit pretending to be kind, tolerant, wonderful people who embrace diversity.  There are few institutions with such a deep history of discrimination as the American media.  Remember how the Los Angeles Times proudly declared it's support for denying American citizens of Japanese descent their rights, stealing their property and moving them into 'camps'?  Evidently the still support the practice, since in the past 50+ years they still haven't issued an apology...they same apology they demand from others accused of far lesser rudeness.

How about demands to segregate actors, most notably Redd Fox?  You, and your predecessors, refused to use bathrooms or make-up rooms that a black man had previously used.  Oh, is this too far in the past for you?  How about your CURRENT discrimination against those of different religions, political beliefs, sexual orientation, race, gender, nationality, and, my personal favorite, chosen occupation.  Feel free to refer to #4 for a lovely example.  In fact, Boston Legal is a fine example of discrimination I've just described!

"But," you say, "we're not discriminating against the gay, non-Christian, female, homeless, jobless, liberal leaning people!  Those people that have historically been discriminated against!"  Possibly, possibly not.  However, the opposite of crazy is still crazy, and discriminating against ANYBODY is still discrimination.  Don't call yourself 'enlightened' just because you've switched teams.  Treating someone differently for reasons other than their character and behavior is ignorant and evil, even if it's fashionable.

Yes, we know all about the current, trendy fashion of which group to hate this time, and it's human nature to want to fit in.  To comply.  To join the rest of the sheep.

We also know it's all too easy to believe you are somehow better and more important than everybody else, especially when so many people go to great lengths to kiss your ass, cater to your whims, and fight each other for a mere glimpse of you.

And if you like that feeling, by all means, feel away!  Strut around, treat others like shit, and act like your farts don't stink!  Hell, you can even meet a few times a year and pat each other on the back, tell each other how great you are, and hand yourselves awards for doing not very much.  Oh wait.  Anyway, nobody has a problem with that, especially since, soon enough, you'll end up even deeper in the gutter than you were before you started your career, and, as much as we might enjoy your movies, music, or whatever else you call "art," there's nothing Americans like better than watching a spoiled brat go down the tubes.

On the other hand, if you wish to be seen as a wise, caring, tolerant individual, then you have work to do.  Oh yes, it's a lot of work, and it has nothing to do with singing, dancing, acting, or any of that other bullshit.  If the issue doesn't directly affect you, you need to educate yourself on whatever issues you claim to care about.  This does NOT mean reading an article in the Washington Post and instantly becoming an expert.  You need to read up on the history, as told by Both Sides.  You need to talk to witnesses, from Both Sides, whenever possible.  You need to understand the big picture, and how this issue affects others, on Both Sides.  Most important, you need to discuss all the consequences of your stand with those actually affected, on Both Sides.  This could takes weeks, months, or years, and that's going at it full time!

Sounds like a lot of work!  It is!  Most of the people involved have been dealing with these issues far longer than you, and most of them only know one side.  If it's too much work for you, again, I'll direct you to #4 above.

9)  Quit blaming everybody else for your problems!

I've seen you blame Bush, Republicans, the economy, the weather, TIVO, computers, hackers, pirates, and of course us, the consumers, for your problems.  Newsflash!  All your problems are self-made!

The sad fact is, you have followed a business model that worked 50 years ago, but never adapted to changing times.  The arrival of the VCR should have been a big hint to you that the industry is changing.  The fact that you fought the VCR at first, then made hundreds of millions of dollars off it later, should have been a wake-up call.  You ignored the hints, you slept through the alarm, and now your screwed.

Like the VCR, computers capable of burning CD's, then MP3 players, came along, and instead of finding a way to make money on them, you fought them tooth and nail.  Then you found out you'd make even more money selling MP3's than you lost in CD sales.  Again, your screwed.

Why are you so screwed?  Well, folks are tired of your shit, and they don't have to take it anymore.  Things have changed in a fundamental way, a way you blindly ignored with all your might, and now there's no going back.

We now have access to unlimited communications and information on a worldwide scale, as well as very, very cheap storage.  As much as you try, you'll never have the ability to control it.  Deep down, you know this.  Your products can be decrypted and stored anywhere in the world, in places you've never heard of.  They can be accessed, again, anywhere in the world, by anybody in the world, at any time.  Barring our generosity and willingness to work with existing technology, you don't ever have to make a dime off of anything you've produced in the past 100 years.  Ever!

As more and more consumers get connected and more knowledgeable of computers, you'll find your grip on the media slipping away.  You'll have no choice but to give us what we want, on our terms.

Add to that the fact that you rarely produce anything truly creative or original, things will start looking truly grim indeed.

After all, how many poorly thought out remakes of The Invisible Man, House on Haunted Hill, and The Shining do you think we'll tolerate?  How about crappy movie versions of comic books and TV series?  Almost different versions of Monk, Perry Mason, Quincy MD?  Vaguely amusing sitcoms that devolve into political and social soap boxes?  Intelligence insulting reality and game shows?

Let's face it, for every 500 lumps of donkey doodoo you grunt out, there is, maybe, one new, unique, even mildly enjoyable product you produce.  If you were a diamond mine, you'd go broke.  That means the cost of driving you out of business, today and forever, will cost us, at most, one sitcom every 5 years.  Even then...

One more thing.  Technology has also become smaller, cheaper, and more easily accessible to common folk.  To give you an idea of what this means, here are some figures:

The Blair Witch Project

Cost to produce: $35,000

Cost of the DVD: $17

Approximate number of DVD's needed to pay for production: 2,200

Amount of gross sales: $248,000,000 (likely out of date)

Approximate amount of return, had people invested in the movie at the cost of one DVD: $170,000

So, if some folks wanted to produce a movie, asked investors to cough up $17, promised them a DVD of the finished product, and earned a decent reputation with various short clips shown on You Tube, they could start their own production company, while at the same time removing various middlemen who do little but siphon off profits and get in everybody's way.

People throw hundreds of millions of dollars away every year on lotteries, confident they're money is going nowhere, almost positive they'll lose, and a very slim hope they'll be lucky enough to win back the cost of the ticket.

Imagine offering folks a DVD, paid for in advance, with at least a hint of an assurance they'll be happy with the final product.  At the very least, they might get something they like.  (this is the same chance we take buying YOUR products NOW)

However, if things go very well, more people will like the movie than paid for it, so the folks who showed some faith in the beginning will get some profits from the movie.

And if the movie ends up sucking?  They're out $17, less than the cost of a meal in Las Vegas.

Now, imagine this;  Buy a DVD, and you might make money, maybe even a lot of money.  Had this business model been used with The Blair Witch Project...well, you get the idea.

Of course, this movie didn't use a lot of special effects, well-known actors, or fancy sets.  Then again, turns out they didn't need all that.  Just using their heads and some elbow grease did the trick.  They made a movie that beat out others with budgets running into the tens of millions of dollars and the hottest Hollywood 'talent'.

If these producers wanted to start another production, their DVD 'investments' would go through the roof, using this business model.  On the other hand, if they screwed it up, they'd go away, something that never seems to happen in Hollywood.

It's no different for other forms of media, be it news, printed books, music, or video games.  Newer, simpler, more profitable ways (for those who actually do the work) of doing business are on the horizon, and none of them involve you.

The point of this article is, what you are doing right now isn't going to work for much longer.  New ways of doing things make your methods, as well as you, obsolete.  Since it's obvious the current business models for today's media is fading away, it's time for those in the industry to wise up.  Either you start putting some effort into making consumers happy, or watch your jobs, cliques, and income evaporate.  It doesn't take a mental giant to come up with a business plan that doesn't put money in your pocket.  This goes for the writers, producers, reporters, hot shot actors, everybody in The Business.

We don't need you nearly as much as you need us.  You would do well to learn this important lesson.